


Don’t enter the astromech droid storage at night

by Scoby



Series: Reylo feast [5]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: All the droids ship Reylo, Astromech droids hate Black One, BB-8 ships Finnpoe, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, During Canon, F/M, Flash Fic, Force Bond (Star Wars), Gossip, Kissing, Neck Kissing, One Shot, POV Droids, R2-D2 ships Finnrose, When astromech droids should be on standby but gossip instead, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26136298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scoby/pseuds/Scoby
Summary: "We just dropped her off in an escape pod and were supposed to reconnect with the Resistance. But when we noticed that Supremacy was split in half, we got worried about Rey, and Chewie took us back to pick her up. And when she came on board, I couldn't believe my sensors for air-borne chemicals.”R2-D2 held a dramatic pause. You could hear a pin drop in the storage room.“There they were, as a fluffy cloud around her: all the chemicals that humans release after sex.”
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Reylo feast [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779877
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39





	Don’t enter the astromech droid storage at night

The new compressor of Black Three’s hyperdrive looked unnaturally shiny in the middle of the rest of the components. Jessika thumbed on the test sequence. The starfighter prepared for the acceleration correctly, without any of the hiccups from the morning.

“Good job, QZ-2! That’s enough for today.”

She patted lightly the head of the astromech by her side.

“And now, off you go into the storage and on standby mode.”

The droid beeped obediently. After it had rolled into the storage room, Jessika peeked inside. All the other astromechs were already neatly on their places with their lights off apart from the tiny red standby indicators.

“Good night”, she whispered to QZ-2 who turned itself into the same mode as the others. Then she shut the door and walked away.

As soon as Jessika's steps disappeared out of audible range, the storage room lit up with the lights of the astromech droids. The first one to beep was AO-3, who broke out in a stream of electrical curses.

“I’m never flying with Black One again! That fighter is a freaking drama queen. We had three TIEs on our tail and just when Poe dove into a hollow asteroid to dodge them and I needed to turn the lights on, the central computer gave a warning message about possible damage on the gyroscope from solar flares. Solar flares! I told it to shut up. Our pilot might die and it would only think about its own gyroscope. But that’s how Black One is. Nothing exists for it beyond its own parts.”

“Yeah, it’s obsessed about protecting its gyroscope from solar flares”, BB-8 beeped in sympathy. “It gave the same warning message when we were about to take out the last surface cannon of Fulminatrix.”

The mention of Fulminatrix made them all go silent for a moment in memory of all the organic and mechanical companions they lost there. QZ-2 decided to lighten the atmosphere:

“Speaking of Black One, is there something between Poe and that ex-stormtrooper?”

“Finn”, BB-8 corrected. “If you ask me, yes. I've repeatedly measured off-the-charts pheromone concentrations in the air around them when they are together. I don’t understand why they don’t just make out already.”

“That’s because Finn has something going on with Rose”, R2-D2 declared.

“The mechanic?” BB-8 asked suspiciously.

“Yes”, R2-D2 confirmed. “I like her. She helped me fix Blue Four’s weapon systems, many times over when part after another kept crashing and I was about to give up. Rose never does.”

“But what makes you think she has anything to do with Finn?” BB-8’s beeps remained reserved.

“When she was still recovering, I saw Finn go to the medbay to see her every day, even bringing flowers. You know how much flowers mean to the organics.”

Everyone went silent again. Nobody could argue against that.

“Organics are kriffing complex”, QZ-2 concluded.

“Yes, they never say straight what they feel”, R8-09 agreed. “Nothing like… Do you want to hear what Blue Seven’s central computer told me this morning before we took off?”

The expectant silence encouraged it to continue.

“It said: ‘R8, in case we get blasted in this attack, I want you to know that I've never felt about any other droid the way I feel about you. There’s no one else who senses me the way you do. No one else who touches me like you do. I feel like you really do complete me. R8, I love you.’”

“Awww, I’m so happy for you!” QZ-2 purred. “Blue Seven is a nice fighter. Whenever I’m assigned to it, I can switch with you.”

“Really, would you do that? Oh, that would make me so happy...”

Others hurried to offer the same favour R8-09, who got overwhelmed with trying to thank them enough.

“This is the least we can to”, AO-3 assured. “You’re so cute in love that it beats all the organic pining on this base.“

But BB-8's appetite for organic pining was not yet satiated.

“I still ship Finnpoe”, it muttered.

R2-D2 heard it, rolled up to BB-8 and towered over it, picking up a menacing tone in its beeps:

“You do? Well I ship Finnrose, and I’m ready to defend that ship even if it means stripping your parts out on this floor.”

“You may try”, BB-8 snorted back and planted its orange and white sphere firmly on the ground.

Before a fight could break out, AO-3 squeezed itself between the droids to distract them.

“R2, you promised you’d tell us everything about the Ahch-To mission, already days ago. How about you tell us now?”

R2-D2’s lights cast a final angry flicker at BB-8, but steadied then, as it rolled backwards. Everyone’s optical and audio sensors pointed at it in anticipation.

“Well, it was nice to meet Luke again. We'd missed each other a lot...”

“Of course. We know that was the point of the mission. Did anything else happen?” AO-3 demanded.

R2-D2 lowered its beeping into a dramatically hushed tone that made everyone roll closer. Those, who had their audio sensors in a separate head unit, leaned it in towards the silver and blue astromech.

“I think Rey is in love with somebody from the First Order.”

A chorus of astonished beeps rose up to the ceiling, hungry for more details.

“I detected her talking with somebody several times, though I got no signal of anybody else being around. She was insulting them and arguing and asking them to wear more clothes, and crying. I could not match that with any of my references for typical human behaviours. Then one night, when I was not with her, I just detected from the distance a clay hut exploding, and shouting, and lightsaber glow, and a moment later she came to me and Chewbacca and insisted that she has to get to Supremacy urgently. She was all furious so I thought she was going to fight somebody there. Jedi always believe that they can face the whole enemy alone.”

“And what happened on Supremacy?” R8-09's beeps were shaky with excitement.

“Well, I don’t know exactly. We just dropped her off in an escape pod and were supposed to reconnect with the Resistance. But when we noticed that Supremacy was split in half, we got worried about Rey, and Chewie took us back to pick her up. And when she came on board, I couldn't believe my sensors for air-borne chemicals.”

R2-D2 held a dramatic pause. You could hear a pin drop in the storage room.

“There they were, as a fluffy cloud around her: all the chemicals that humans release after sex.”

The droids broke out in loud beeps that sounded like whistles.

But QZ-2, who was closest to the door, detected footsteps from outside and silenced everyone: “Somebody’s coming!”

All the astromechs quieted down and turned their lights off again but kept their optical and audio sensors receptive as the door hissed open. Everyone registered as Rey entered and shut the door behind her.

“Phew, I barely escaped Poe. I’m in our astromech droid storage room, but we keep them…” She glanced around the dim room and then fixed her gaze somewhere next to the door. “…all on standby over night. I can talk.”

But she did not continue talking. She extended her arms forward and right then, appearing out of thin air, there was somebody in her arms and they were kissing. And not just kissing lightly but feverishly, passionately, madly, bodies all entangled like only organic beings are capable of.

When their mouths separated and Rey plunged into devouring her companion’s neck, he threw his head back and to the side so that all the optical sensors in the room could scan his face and match it in their databases with the entry of Kylo Ren. Everyone had to squeeze their circuits not to beep aloud.

Rey’s face was still buried in Ren’s neck when his arms rose up her back to reach her hair. One by one, he opened each of her buns and sank his fingers into her open hair. He used his grip of her hair to tilt her head back to kiss her mouth again.

Rey’s hands found his belt and struggled to open it without looking. Eventually, she made it and dropped it on the floor with a clang from the buckle. Next, she slid her hands under his tunic and started to peel it off.

At that moment, AO-3 felt a software update start to push itself into it from HoloNet. It tried to hold it back, but the update was automated. Before AO-3 could help it, its insides echoed with an electronic rumble and the lights on its round panel lit up to mark the update sequence.

Rey startled, dropped her hands to her sides and stared at the loudly updating droid, hair all tousled and lips swollen. Kylo Ren vanished in thin air, just as he had appeared a while ago. Rey's expression turned to terror and she fled out of the storage room.

After she was gone, a frenzy of droid lights and beeps turned on again, all directed at AO-3.

“What did you do!? It was just getting interesting!” R8-09’s scream-like beeping rose over the cacophony.

“Sorry, it was an automated software update…”

“Why do you even keep those automated updates on? You’re supposed to review what's in the update before you grant it permission for installation, not just absorb blindly anything that comes your way from HoloNet. Think about it if one day the First Order decides to install something in you that makes you blow up our whole fleet.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that… I’ll stop the automation at once. I’m sorry, everyone. I’ll make it up to you.”

“I know how you’ll make it up!” BB-8 declared. “Next five missions, you'll fly with Black One. Whoever gets assigned to it will switch places with you and Poe will just have to deal with it.”

AO-3 quietly succumbed to the punishment, furious but too embarrassed to protest. To its relief, though, attention got soon drawn elsewhere as QZ-2 picked something up from the floor.

“What do we do with this?”

Its mechanical hand was holding a black leather belt.

“Let's hide it, in that corner behind the oil canisters”, R2-D2 resolved. “And remember, everyone, not a word to the organics. You know how restricted they can be about who’s allowed to bang whom. They might not understand. And now, we should all go back to standby or otherwise they'll notice that we've been using power all night.”

Following R2-D2's example, everyone turned their lights off, and the storage room stayed quiet until the morning.


End file.
